


Darkness Within

by TheNightSkyObserver



Series: No Such Thing as Perfect [1]
Category: Thomas Sanders, Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Anxiety Needs Hugs, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, I'm Sorry, M/M, Out of Character, Panic Attacks, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-03
Updated: 2017-04-03
Packaged: 2018-10-14 11:33:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,312
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10535616
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheNightSkyObserver/pseuds/TheNightSkyObserver
Summary: Anxiety, and therefore Thomas has a major panic attack. Prince does what he does best, and comes to the rescue.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Obviously, I don't own these characters. All credit goes to Thomas Sanders. Only the story-line of this fic is mine. The panic attack is based off my own experiences, not necessarily Thomas' experiences. This is not meant to be disrespectful in anyway. Thomas' videos just give me motivation to create :) Enjoy!

_He shows up, and ruins any peace that I had!_

_Getting rid of **that** is a tall order._

_Anxiety is a constant struggle, but there are ways of shutting it up, **ya nasty.**_

_I do not like you._

              Anxiety sat in the corner of his room, deep in Thomas’ mind, curled in a ball, tears silently sliding down his face. His dark, chestnut brown hair was disheveled, parts of it sticking straight up, while some of it was plastered to his forehead. He slowly rocked back and forth, shaking his head as the dark thoughts continued to plague his very existence. “ _Useless_ ”, the quiet voice whispered. “ _All you do is hurt him. He can’t do anything right with **you** around. You’d be better off dead”_. Anxiety let out a dry sob. “ _Worthless. You are always a problem. They do not **need** you. They do not **want** you”. _The voice was right. Thomas didn’t need him, no one needed him. He was an embodiment of stress after all. He was worthless. Why would anyone want him around? He felt the darkness around him, swirling like violent, icy waves. His world was cold, dark, and bleak. He felt pain. He felt empty. He felt hopeless.  

             On the physical plane, Thomas was sitting on his bed trying to control his breathing. Each breath was shaky, but they were still even. His panic attack had seemingly come out of nowhere, and he was struggling to keep it under control. He closed his eyes and concentrated on the different aspects of his personality. Suddenly, Princey, or Roman, his fanciful and creative side appeared next to him on his bed.

             Roman blinked in surprise a few times, and then quickly turned to his host, concerned. 

             “Thomas? What is wrong? Why did you summon me?” He started to rub small circles into Thomas' back. Between raspy breaths, Thomas managed to stutter out,  
              “Panic- Attack”. Roman’s eyes went wide, and he nodded.  
              “I haven’t seen Anxiety all day, I’ll go find him and see if I can calm him down”, Roman murmured to his still shaking host. Thomas nodded, and Roman sunk back into Thomas’ mind.

               Roman landed in the ‘Common Room’ of Thomas’ mind, where he and the other facets of Thomas’ personality could meet, watch a movie, or just talk. He closed his eyes and focused on the other three main portions of Thomas’ personality. He could sense Logic (Logan), and Morality sitting in the kitchen. Roman furrowed his eyebrows as he tried to pinpoint where Anxiety was. All he could make out was darkness from far back in Thomas’ mind, so he made his way there. The closer Roman got to what he presumed was Anxiety’s room, he had never had a reason to go there before, the stronger the darkness became. Roman felt an unfamiliar feeling rush through him. He was scared. He was scared of what he may find when he reached Anxiety. He was scared for himself, for Thomas, and even for Anxiety. When he finally reached the door where the dark tendrils were escaping from under, he took a deep breath and ripped open the door, rushed into the room, and slammed the door behind him so that the darkness couldn’t escape into the rest of Thomas’ mind.

               Roman pushed his way through the dark, angry mass that was consuming the room. He shivered; the darkness was cold as ice. All around him, he could hear velvety whispers of hatred. “ _You will **never** be good enough. You are useless. Worthless. They do not want you around. They hate you. You are **NOTHING**.” _ Roman stumbled backwards, the force of the words stunning him. Then he heard the most broken, empty laugh he had ever heard. It had to be Anxiety. Anxiety’s answer broke Roman’s heart, and brought tears to his eyes.

              “Don’t you think I already know that?” Anxiety laughed again, but this one sounded more like a sob. Roman knelt on the ground and crawled towards Anxiety’s general location. The darkness was growing heavier, and Roman couldn’t see anything. He reached a hand out, and it landed on a soft material. Roman’s heart broke even more when Anxiety cringed back from the touch. Roman shuffled closer, moving his hands so they were both gripping Anxiety’s shoulders.

              “Anxiety, it’s me, Roman. Please, let me help you!” Roman pleaded. Anxiety let out another dry, broken sob. Roman felt that Anxiety was shaking his head.

              “No, you don’t really care. No one really cares. I don’t blame you. I’m the worst thing that ever happened to Thomas. I know you all hate me. It’s okay though, I hate me too”, Anxiety laughed. Roman’s eyes widened. He quickly pulled Anxiety into his arms, hugging him as if the world depended on it. Anxiety struggled in Roman’s arms, but gave up and let out a shaky sob as Roman rubbed his back and murmured kind words into his ear.

              “Anxiety, we don’t hate you. No one hates you. We do need you. Thomas needs you. Who else is going to remind him not to do reckless and rash things? Who else is going to remind Thomas that he needs to do his work? Who else would remind us that we do have limits? Who else would keep us safe?” The longer Roman spoke, the more the darkness started to clear away. The temperature in the room began to rise back into comfortable levels. Roman could now clearly see Anxiety’s tear streaked, sweat-caked face. Anxiety’s eyes were red and puffy from crying, and they looked dull and life-less. Roman leaned his forehead against the other’s and whispered,

               “I need you Anxiety. I will _always_ need you. Please, look at me”.

               Anxiety lifted his eyes to meet Roman’s, but quickly averted them back to his lap. Roman tilted his head, placed his hand under Anxiety’s chin, and lifted Anxiety’s head up so that Roman could look into his eyes. Anxiety’s dark brown eyes wide and confused, the circles under them almost black. Roman’s own dark brown eyes were bright with affection for the other personality trait. The darkness in the room had all but dissipated at this point, only the small tendrils still curling off Anxiety himself remaining. Anxiety searched Roman’s face for any sign that he was lying, but he found nothing.

              “Did you… did you really—you know—mean what you said? You don’t hate me?”

               “I could never hate you Anxiety. Even though we get on each other’s nerves quite a lot and we are usually polar opposites, I could never hate you. We all need you”, Roman closed his eyes and whispered, **“** I would be _nothing_ without you”.

               Anxiety’s eyes widened when Roman let out a shaky breath and noticed the tears sliding down Roman’s face. Anxiety lifted his hands up and brushed away the tears coating Roman’s cheeks. Keeping one hand cradling Roman’s face, Anxiety ran his other hand through Roman’s slicked back, poofy, light, chestnut brown hair, and then left his hand at the nape of Roman’s neck. Anxiety leaned their foreheads together, and the two opposing personalities breathed together. They sat tangled up together for what felt like an eternity. The remaining tendrils of darkness that had been curling off Anxiety had completely stopped, and the room was warm once again. The two personalities sat in each other’s arms, basking in the warmth and kindness from the other.

              Roman lifted his head and made eye contact with Anxiety. Anxiety looked apprehensively up into Roman’s eyes, searching for any sign that Anxiety did something wrong. Roman gave Anxiety a small smile.

             “Thank you, Anxiety”, Roman said quietly. Anxiety leaned in and nuzzled his face against Roman’s neck

             “No, thank you. Thanks to you, I’m not… well, you know… curled up in a ball on the floor wishing I was dead…” Anxiety leaned into Roman as he held back tears. Roman curled his arms around Anxiety’s shaking body and held him tight while Anxiety cried onto his shoulder. Was there going to be make-up smeared all over his suit? Probably. Did Roman care right now? Absolutely not. Roman looked around the room and spotted Anxiety’s unkempt bed in the corner, and silently nudged the whimpering personality into standing, and then maneuvered him onto the bed. The moment Anxiety was on the bed, he curled in onto himself, effectively hiding himself from Roman.

             Roman shook his head and crawled up onto the bed to lay next to Anxiety. He pulled Anxiety close to him, and resumed rubbing the boy’s back. As Anxiety’s breathing returned to a normal rate, and the tears stopped flowing, he tried to push himself away from Roman.

            “Thank you for helping me, but you don’t need to stay just because you pity me…” Anxiety whispered. Roman stared at Anxiety in disbelief.

            “What about everything that just happened would make you think that I pity you? Anxiety, I care about you. I was terrified for you. I was comforting you because I—,” Roman took a deep breath, “I… I love you. I love you Anxiety, and seeing seem so broken and empty tore my heart into pieces. I need you Anxiety. And, I understand that you probably don’t feel the same way, but—“. Anxiety cut Roman off with his hand.

           “Stop right there. I know where that sentence was going to lead, and I refuse to let you say it. I… I think I love you too Roman. I really am glad that you came and found me. I haven’t been comforted in a long time… It felt… nice”. Anxiety smiled shyly at Roman, who was beaming.

            “Anxiety, I want to make sure that you know that I meant every single thing that I said. We all need you. We would be lost without you. I know that we can get on each other’s nerves, and I know that we disagree about a lot of things, but I need you Anxiety. You keep me grounded. Without you… I don’t know how I would function. I know that I’m not the nicest person to you. I know that I’ve said some pretty harsh things. I know that you’re just trying to do your job. I’m _so_ sorry if I’ve made you feel worthless. Please forgive me?” Roman looked deep into Anxiety’s eyes. Anxiety looked back, nodding.

            “I’ve never blamed you. I’ve never blamed any of you. It’s not your fault!” Anxiety breathed out. Anxiety finally scooted closer to Roman and wrapped his arms around him. Anxiety tucked his head under Roman’s chin, and snuggled into his chest. Roman let out a breathy chuckle, and returned the hug, settling his body against the other’s.

            Anxiety listened to the soothing sound of Roman’s strong, steady heartbeat, and slowly started to fall asleep. The warmth radiating off Roman was comforting and relaxing, and Anxiety had never been calmer in his entire existence.

            Roman smiled to himself when he realized that Anxiety had fallen asleep, unconsciously pulled Anxiety closer to himself. Roman took and deep breath and settled into the bed, preparing to spend the night. He sent a silent, mental message to Morality asking him to go check on Thomas, closed his eyes, and let his exhaustion and coziness take him over.

            On the physical plane, Thomas was dozing on his couch. Morality flickered into existence next to his host, effectively waking Thomas up.

           “Huh? Mortality? What are- what are you doing out?” Thomas mumbled, blinking the sleep from his eyes. Morality chuckled.

            “Roman asked me to check on you. He said that Anxiety had quite an attack earlier, and that it was pretty bad for you as well. How are you feeling son?” Thomas rolled his eyes.

            “I’m not your son. But, yeah, I’m feeling a lot better. I take it Roman was able to calm Anxiety down, then?” Thomas arched an eyebrow at Morality as he stretched.

            “Yes, I’m assuming Roman was able to calm Anxiety down. I don’t how he did it, but he somehow even got Anxiety to fall asleep. The two of them are curled up together in Anxiety’s room. Perhaps you should go to bed as well Thomas. In your actual bed, of course,” Morality implored. Thomas sighed and stood up.

            “You’re probably right. I need the sleep after all. I’ll summon Roman and Anxiety tomorrow so I can talk to them about everything”. Thomas waved goodbye to Morality as he sunk back into Thomas’ mind, and then made his way upstairs to get some well-deserved rest.

             Morality landed in the common room, and walk quietly towards Anxiety’s room. Logan appeared beside him, about to ask a question. Morality cut him off with a finger to his lips, and then motioned Logan to follow him. Once the two older personality traits got to Anxiety’s door, Morality quietly opened it.

             Roman and Anxiety were both sound asleep, both hugging each other tight, both with a small smile on their faces. Logan and Morality leaned into each other, enjoying each other’s presence, and the fact that Roman and Anxiety were both happy.

             After Logan and Morality closed the door, Anxiety started to wake up. He blinked his eyes slowly, trying to remember why he was wrapped up in Roman’s arms. As the memories came flooding back, Anxiety shuddered and cuddled farther into Roman’s arms, letting sleep begin to take him back over. Anxiety watched the small smile on Roman’s face grow ever so slightly bigger in slumber, and Anxiety felt his heart melt. Dealing with everything could wait until morning, Anxiety decided. Right now, he was going to enjoy being loved by Roman, and was going to do his best to love him back, no matter what the dark mutterings in his head had to say about it. He was going to be stronger.

 

_Can it just be like, like an understood thing?_

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading, criticism is appreciated. Hopefully if Thomas sees this, he won't think it's too weird...  
> Considering either a sequel or epilogue to this fic for a bit more Logicality...? Let me know!  
> You can come yell at me at https://nerdygeekyscience.tumblr.com/


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